and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
