I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
