i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
