i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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