There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize