i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
