I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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