id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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