i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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