No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
