no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He? As in you personified your dick?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize