Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
