you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
