Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
