I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
