they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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