I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
