did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
