I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
