love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize