She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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