where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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