yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
