I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
