y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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