YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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