I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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