You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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