no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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