Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
