I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
