I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
