And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
