New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
