She's JV to your varsity
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize