meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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