four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
