You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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