it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize