We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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