Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize