Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
