i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
