addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
