I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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