ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
