if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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