i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need a beard to bite.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
