But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
