Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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