My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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