There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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