do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
