I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Its about making memories worth repressing
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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