i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I need mimosas to revive my soul
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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