I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize