You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
