it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
