She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
