This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Text me some of your sweat
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
