Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
