The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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