I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My vagina is very pro this idea
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize