I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
