dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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