farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
