You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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