do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
