I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
