We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
